I hardly ate anything yesterday, had no appetite and left work early to go home and sleep. Slept for about 4 hours, and woke up feeling a little better but still morose and still haven't found my tongue to speak my mind with my partner.
He kept asking me if I was okay and looking at me as though I was about to spontaneously combust. He repeated what he said about my libido disappearing and I just shrugged and said it's probably a good thing, my libido is too high anyway. Anything to avoid to rejection from my lover on a regular basis.
Today I am exhausted. Had trouble falling asleep last night and woke up feeling so so drained this morning. Spewed up some bile on my way to work, which I presume is the effect of not eating dinner last night and still taking Lexapro anyhow.
I don't want to be on antidepressants. I avoided them for so long and thought I could deal with it myself. Apparently I'm not that strong. Whatever.
I just want to kill off all those pesky feelings and engage with the world like everyone else does. This is one time in my life where I would give anything to fit in and be a part of the crowd.
Looking forward to lunch so i can sleep again and the bus to Canberra - all sleeping. Can't get enough.
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